Behind The Smiles

In this last episode of Grey’s anatomy, they quoted this one psychologist as saying the most important relation ship you have is the one with your parents. Every relationship beyond your first relationship with your parents is a desperate attempt to recreate that initial relationship. 

In a sense, that makes sense. Girls tend to like men like their father and boys tend to like women like their mother.  

But this just signified the importance of family to a young child. I am oh-so grateful for the parents I have! They have given me a good start and I love it! 

When I become a parent, I want to  do the same things my parents have done for me! Sheesh….I feel like I have won the parent lottery and my annuity payments will never end! 

#Yace

Sometimes, my mail application opens up a random spam email, and today,when I logged into my computer I saw this quote in huge purple letters: 

“If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?”

— Rob Bremer  

(For some reason, Tumblr is centering all of my text and has turned it purple and I don’t know how to fix it lol).  But if you really think about this quote, it is super deep! I mean how many times have I stayed up late at night thinking about the things I’ve done wrong, or how could I have responded to situations in a better way? Would I want to consider my inner self my best friend…a friend…an associate? no. This person is a hater. I usually refrain from using the word hater simply because i think it is generally used to dismiss some one else’s negative opinions with out evaluating the validity of them….but in this case, I can honestly call myself a hater. 

On an even deeper level, you are supposed to love others the same way you love yourself. And I can honestly say i love the hell outta myself (lol) but at the same time, I treat my self the way I do. I criticize, judge, and negatively critique myself sooo much. I know for a fact, that I would not want my significant other who ‘loves’ me to treat me like I do myself. And that’s deep. I’m not ready to love anyone else, because I do not love my self properly. 

I cause my own self so much doubt and grief by overly criticizing my self and it is actually ridiculous. I’m 20 years old and i am allowed to make mistakes,  do stupid things, and make some people mad. I do not need  to hold myself up to perfect standards. Now that I think about it, I simply will not be perfect so why do I feel the pressure to be held up to perfect standards. That shits crayyyyy. 

What’s crazy about this is, I honestly do not treat other people this way! I do EVERYthing I can to treat others with respect and try to encourage them at all times. Why can’t I o this for my self…hmm? Does this subconsciously say that I love others more the myself?  hmmm

So I have decided….from this point on….to love my self. To love my self like I would another person. 

I dare you to love me as much as I love you.

yessss